Stray

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My thoughts have been so elusive.
Endlessly searching for some type of belonging.
The damaged child grew into a broken man.
With pieces missing, whole happiness stolen away.
The slow hum of time has latched on to my sanity.
Drawing out the thoughts that I am not enough.
That I’ve never been, never will be.
I’ve wanted to go back in time and save my youth.
Be the hero I needed back then.
But the dark has been forever calling a devil inside me.
And you don’t even know the half of it.
I want to leave, curl up, not exist.
Be missed but I never want to miss.
Be loved but it’s never enough.
I used to think that I could change the world.
Now I’m afraid I can’t even change myself.
Who I want to be will always be a dream.
The reality of being locked in a cage with no key.
Poked, prodded with empty threats.
Deadened nerves lead to a distant heart.
Distant hearts lead to misplaced love.
When did my body become like string?
Catching all my ends, tripping over everything.
If I’m to ever have some peace, drown me in it.
I want to lose my breath, be swept away a bit.
All progress made gets buried under dirt and sand.
My eyes lose clarity yet again.
The blind don’t find their way back.
It’s as dark as it can get.
Give me all the hell you’ve got on the way down.
I’ll do my best to return the favor.
Soothing old wounds with new ones.
Tangled love on repeat.

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